mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What drink are we having for lunch?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
