I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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