he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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