i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
