My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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