Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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