Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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