The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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