My nipple is on Facebook.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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