I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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