if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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