but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
