...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
