is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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