so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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