well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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