next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
