MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
