you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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