you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
