Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
