i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
