remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
