just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
