Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
