I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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