I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think my moral compass just broke
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
