I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
