Someone shit on the floor
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
