New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
