I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
