Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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