i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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