come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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