dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
