I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
