we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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