just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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