Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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