My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
