True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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