Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
