so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
