We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
