C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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