i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
