There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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