can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
