i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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