Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
