We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
