please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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