So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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