I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
