Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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