Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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