I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
