you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
