At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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