You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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