she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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