I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
