Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
