sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
