just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
