idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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