No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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