who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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