His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
