Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
