don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
