I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
